Grey Cheek Parakeet... back to blogging!

Relocating : )

2010-08-02T13:57:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!

Just an fyi... this site will be re-locating to www.gcpdesigns.blogspot.com. Thanks for following!

~ Katelyn

A New Direction...

2010-06-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

This blog has run it's course as far as what it was : ) It is now stepping a new and completely different direction as my sister and I use it as a creative outlet to test some new possiblities. We have this dream of running a little boutique/antique store/coffee shop/ B&B//// We hope to someday open an etsy account with refurnished furniture, jewelry, art & anything for the home, but we're starting with this blog.... We'll just see what happens. Thanks for all 5 of you that read this and care about this new adventure! Ta ta for now! Pics to follow soon...

Delight

2010-01-12T13:09:00.000-08:00

I love the word delight. It is one of the things I most treasure about my relationship with God. It's the fatherly characteristic that He displays which sinks deepest into my heart and truly captures me. It pulls my head out of my daily whirlwind of confusion and frustration and reminds me that I not only matter to God, but that God, my compassionate heavenly Father and creator of the UNIVERSE... delights in me... right now, just as I am. It reminds me that I love Him only because He first loved me and showed me the most pure love to ever exist, because he is love; the very essence of love. GOD IS LOVE.

Psalm 37:23-24

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in EVERY detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."

Thank you Lord for bringing me a breath of fresh air today through Mackinzie. I know and see that You delight in her and I thank You for using her in my life through yet another of Your divine appointments. Bless her and keep her, make Your face shine upon her today as You delight in her and she in You.

Amen

I Praise You in Advance

2009-06-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

My time with God is so different everyday, because everyday brings new things and I don't like to get stuck in a rut where I forget why I'm praying or reading God's word. I think that spending time with God is more about motive than procedure or accomplishment. My desire is to BE with God and for me that has to be approached afresh everyday. The moment I start getting into a "devotional" routine, I start feeling ridiculously prideful, yet distant from God. So, instead I try to wake-up every morning with a blank slate and ask God how He would like for me to meet with Him today. Sometimes its reading the Bible, sometimes its reading "The 31 Days of Praise," sometimes its journaling, sometimes its just spending time in silence and solitude, and still other times its all of the above or completely different.

I don't like to put God in a box and I would really like to get better at making a strong daily habit of spiritual response. Meaning that all day long I seek to hear God's voice speaking to me, so that it is no longer ME working, but CHRIST working through me! I want to be weaker in my own strength and broken in spirit for the things that crush God's spirit. I want to live out of a faith that is REAL and honest, but not solely based on my feelings at each moment.

I read this the other day and I liked it, so I'll share it:

"And so, though I may not feel grateful, I give thanks... by faith, trusting Your goodness, Your wisdom, Your power, and Your love..." (31 Days of Praise)

This post is a bit skattered, but... oh well : )

to fear God and to know Him

2009-04-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

It's now been a little over 11 months since the fire, so I thought I would try to write about it. Actually, this is my seventh attempt to write about it, so we'll see if I can do it this time. Where to begin... I have no idea.

Everyday, multiple times a day, my attitude toward the event changes. There's really nothing like a fire to put the fear of God in a person. When I think back to the night, standing across the street from our house, watching huge flames fly up from the roof of our house for 4 hours, I think... wow! What would it have been like to see that fall from heaven as a sign of God's wrath? No natural reason for it, no chimney, no accident, just plain unrepentant SIN! I wonder what it would have been like to be a neighboring city of Sodom and Gomorrah. Or even worse, what would it have been like to be IN Sodom and Gomorrah when the Lord rained down burning sulfur on the land (Genesis 19:24). What a dark and heavy place to be! What if God still did this sort of thing? Does He? Are all natural disasters signs of God's wrath? I don't really think so, but they are an incredible display of his power.

I had to write a paper on the sublime once for a Lit class in college and it was incredible to me, how things like fire, the wind, the rain, the size of mountains and the strength of the ocean show the HUGENESS of God and the smallness of us! It's always a little scary to remember how little control we actually have over life. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that we make our own choices. I just think that we overestimate our personal power over, in and throughout circumstances.

It's funny how I feel SO in control of my situations sometimes and how I even get prideful about how well thought out my plans might seem, but truthfully... I AM RIDICULOUS : ) and like I said, there's nothing like a fire to put things in perspective...

When I got the call from my sister it was so weird! I was housesitting and I just stood there for a moment as she told me the details on where to park and meet up with the rest of our family. When I got to our house things only got weirder. I could see the flames from the freeway and it still didn't feel real. I parked about a block away, down the street and walked past 50 or so strangers that somehow knew about my house before I did only to turn the corner and see more fire trucks and fire fighters than I could count. I later found out that there were 52 firefighters and 15 firetrucks!!! Holy moly!

In the weeks leading up to this I had been re-decorating my room and that still makes me laugh : ) Long story, but we had 10-12 foot ceilings and I had refused to use a paint roller, so I had painted my room with a medium hand brush over the course of a few all-nighters, which is typically when I do this sort of thing : ) AND I had just bought a HUGE load of purple fabric (10 YARDS) at a hole in the wall place in santa ana with which I made an awesome overflowing curtain. AND I had just finished making a quilt with which I lined the inside of an adorable burnt orange leather luggage tote of my grandma's and had it sitting in the pile of dark purple fabric at the bottom of the curtain : ) AND I had recently bought some new bedding to tie all this together. All this to say... Ecclesiastes 1:2, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!" hahaha : )

I loved my room, but it's gone now... along with my grandma's cute leather luggage tote and most of that purple curtain. Fortunately, my current temporary room has a much smaller window and I was able to use the remainder of the curtain and sew pieces together to make a swooping side curtain with buttons to hold the strips together : ) I sound SO Sound of Music right now : ) I'll post pics of the new temporary room soon. I completely revamped it over the course of a few alnighters with a couple buckets of paint, my sewing machine, some modge podge and some maps : ) Maybe I'm still plenty vain even after the fire, but I realized something about myself. It doesn't really matter where I'm living. I just have to make my space my own to feel at home. I will always love fashion and decorating, but I don't think that has to be bad. I do feel slightly bad however that I wasn't too sad about my closet burning... aside from my floral print, pin stripe diesel jeans (a one in a million thrift store find!), because this means I was able to start over... which is kinda exciting : ) I think half my wardrobe is now from Buffalo Exchange : ) THEE most TOTALLY awesome buy, sell, trade thrift store EVER ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Hardly a real thrift store, but still SO cool! And I've decided that my style is some sort of explosion of Anthropoligie's classy-ness, Urban Outfitters' quirky-ness, the Gypsy Den's artsy-ness, an antique store's wear of time and a pinch of Betsy Johnson's girly-ness. I've also come to the conclusion that although I'm not naturally a clean room sorta girl, the effort to do so is fully worth it to me, because I really enjoy coming home to a clean room with a bed that's made, carpet that's visible and walls that scream: THIS IS WHO YOU ARE AND IT'S PERFECT BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR SPACE TO BE YOUUUUUUUUU ! ! ! ! ! When my room's clean, I can think... but I wouln't be able to think if my walls were white and didn't have maps cut in the shape of birds flying across them : ) My head is a crazy tornado of creativity, ideas & chaos, but when I look at my room, I see all my chaos sorted out, but still FUN : ) This has nothing to do with the fire, but it still brings me to where I've come since the fire and the things that have become a priority to me... having a space that is my own and finding God's goodness in everything in and around me : )

today

2009-03-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

I take a deep breath

and meditate on God's goodness

and now I can start my day,

knowing that nothing can happen today

outside of God's will and plan for my life.

Psalm 34:8

"O taste and see that the Lord is good..."

This is why I love them...

2009-03-28T00:02:00.000-07:00

Who in their right mind would agree to helping out with a photo shoot that it involved facepaint and... me? Only the best of the best, I tell you! These girls get me SO pumped on LiFe! I must confess: I have been spoiled rotten in so many ways by the gals in my high school life group. They have so much personality and they are up for anything! Well, almost anything... most of my outrageous ideas and plans have their full-pledged support. I just lOVe it! The latest, being a project for my photo class, How gReAT are my girls? I Love LOVE love them!!!

The Lab... colors & angles & more colors & angles!

2009-03-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

Learning CS4 : )

2009-02-04T17:36:00.000-08:00

So, I've just entered my VERY last semester of school EVER and I'm lovin' it! I started off as an art major and took a darkroom photography class that I really enjoyed. I had planned on following that up with a digital photo class, but when I switched majors that class had to be put on hold for awhile ...and awhile has FINALLY come! This is my first photoshop collage using CS4 with my friend Danica as my perfect little model : )

Blessed with a Burden

2009-01-14T15:09:00.000-08:00

I meant to write this post a few weeks ago when one of my dear girlfriends was home for a surprise visit, because her overwhelming passion and burden for those involved in human trafficing was contagious and intense and got me thinking about the blessing in all that! Not the blessing of being involved, but rather the blessing of being used and affected and moved with God's heart.

My friend Pam is on a year long mission's trip around the world with an organization called the World Race and she has been exposed to some intense situations and environments these past few months that were outrageous to even hear about. We were all just sitting around the table eating a wonderful dinner and catching up and hearing about her travels when suddenly in the middle of one of her stories, just as all the parents were coming out of the room that they were eating in to join us, Pammy just broke down completely! I mean like the kind of helpless brokenness that completely silenced the room and made us all feel like we were suddenly sitting in the audience, watching from a distance, as God revealed to us what He was REALLY doing in her life. The mood in the room had taken a dramatic plunge and her parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles were all semi-jokingly asking us what we said to her to make her cry. She was talking about all the women, girls and boys who have been pulled into human trafficing without a choice and how she just doesn't understand why we're here and they're there. She was balling as she said in desperation "what did we do to deserve this and why didn't they get a choice in the path that their lives have taken? It's just not fair!" As she was crying and talking between deep breaths to the crowd that now surrounded our table, I looked around at her family and I felt like I kind of saw a piece of what God was doing and how he was using her to impact her family and everyone in the room and I realized that God was in the middle of blessing her with an incredible burden!

It gave me another perfect picture of how the body of Christ is working today. Most of the people in that room will never get the experiences that she has had, but will still have the connection to those experiences through her and will support her, not out of obligation, but out of an understanding of how God is using her and a desire to be a part of what God's doing.

It reminded me a little bit of the movie Freedom Writers and that's where I got the term "blessed with a burden." If you haven't seen the movie you should! There's a scene in the movie where Hillary Swank is sitting in her house packing with the help of her father and she breaks down, because her personal life is in shambles. She has poured every ounce of herself into her students and it has cost her a hefty personal fine. She's crying as she talks to her dad and he says, "you have been blessed with a burden my dear" and then something about being the proudest father in the world or something like that : ) He says that most people don't ever get the chance in life to impact people the way she is doing and to make a real difference and that he was so proud of her. So, this got me thinking about something, which is totally going to give the movie away, so don't read any further if you haven't seen it yet : ) It got me thinking about how God uses single people in incredible ways that married people could never be used. Basically, she was so involved in teaching that her marriage fell apart and ended in divorce. Now, I kinda liked this picture. It was completely depressing, because you don't ever want bad things to happen to good people, but it was realistic and made sense. I'm not at all saying that marriage is bad or that single is better than married, but just that there are benefits to both, but in completely different ways. No married woman could pour her heart into something like Hillary Swank does and expect to have life outside of that.

I think that sometimes God gives people a burden that allows them to experience him in an incredibly unique and powerful way and could best be done in singleness. Not completely alone, but without the responsibility and necessity of time that is needed for a healthy marriage. Again, I am not putting down marriage, because I believe a healthy marriage is a STRONG witness, especially in America where the divorce rate for Christians and non-Christians alike is about 50%. I am just saying that I think singleness is a blessing that comes alongside the blessing of many great burdens.

Which brings me to my last thought: What is my burden? What gets me crying out in desperation for God's presence? I may get married one day, but in the mean time how could I allow God to be using me more in this present time of singleness and complete freedom of spontaneity?

hmm... I'm not sure that I have one overwhelming burden, but give me MORE Lord! Teach my heart to beat with Yours and open my eyes to move with YOUR impulses. Thank you Pam for sharing your heart with us and for leading us with how you are following the Lord's leading in your life.

Bring it On!

2009-01-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

So I was sittin in church today and thinkin bout how sometimes God teaches me the same truth over and over again, but how each time he takes me deeper and teaches it to me on a different level. Now, this isn't exactly a new discovery : ) I've thought about this a lot lately. It's like I think I've experienced God in the greatest way until the next time around He takes me deeper than I knew existed and I think "Wow! God, what is this?!?! What are you doing? How did I get here? Don't let me leave! Please, Lord don't stop the music!" I think I have a lyrical soul. I don't even exactly know what that means, but God uses music in my life... A LOT! He quiets my mind and my soul with music and speaks to me with this gentle and strong whisper that sort of sweeps me away for a bit.

So, anyway, I've been working on continuing the conversation even when the song does stop. You know, like after church when you're all fired up about something and then the plans for lunch and the rest of the day just drowned out whatever you were thinkin about. I decided the past two weeks to intentionally continue the conversation with God by sharing it with someone right away and the past two weeks it's been one of my high school girls that's been sittin with me in the main service. It was so GREAT! God just danced in our conversation and it was like a little breath of life was brought back to the body of Christ as it was intended! We were talkin about how the same power that raised Christ from the dead is inside each of us, just waiting to be delved into and how we must be fools for not constantly asking God for big things! He is so powerful and He wants to use us and He could be moving mountains through us if we chose to ask for it. I forget how BIG God is sometimes. I forget that as much as He has been moving in my life this past year, I can ALWAYS ask for more!

I was taking communion and thinkin bout how the bread and the juice are symbols of what Christ did for us so that we could live FULLY for Him, not reserved and slow growing. I decided, "this is it! Today Lord, I will take this bread and drink this cup in remembrance of why you did what you did and how that power is ready to be used in and through me to bring You glory through a fuller, purer life!"

The sermon that was going on in the midst of all this was the parable of the sower and seeds and the 4 conditions of the heart (soil). So, I asked God to bring on the pruning! To weed and prune and cleanse my life! To strip from my path anything that would hinder me from FULLY living for Him and anything that is diluting the Holy Spirit's work in my heart. It sounds kinda funny, but I left that building with butterflies in my stomach, because I knew that I had asked God to move and He would. I know that He wants nothing more than to take me so much deeper EVERYday! But... I also know that He most often uses pain to bring me deeper. Which brings me to the next thing.

In my high school life group today we went a little off topic and we were talking about God and his involvement with pain. Does He bring on the pain or does He just use it if it's already there? I, personally believe that He brings on the pain, because I do not believe that pain is evil. Pain is difficult to swallow most of the time, but it can also be so beautiful! There's something about emotional pain in particular that just brings me to such a raw and moldable place in my heart that I can't help but to think that God created it. I have the desire to be desperate and fully reliant upon God, but it just seems to usually be pain that actually gets me there.

Okay, last thought : ) Before getting off topic, we were talking about Colossians 1:15-17 in my high school girls' life group and v. 17 really hit me. "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." We were discussing what it meant for God to be before all things and it wasn't until after second service when I was talking to one of my girls that it really hit me. It doesn't just mean that He existed before all things, but it means that He goes before all things. It means that everyday He is not only 10 steps ahead of us, preparing the way in the hearts of everyone we encounter, but He is also with us as we walk through the path He prepared. So, I pray for God to do BIG things and to bring on the pruning. I believe that pain will come as I walk down a path that has been prepared, with a God that is fully ready to pull me deeper at my rawest, most broken moments into an increasingly more beautiful dance of falling madly in love with my Savior who will always love me more than I can fully experience, but needless to say, it is worth it!

Two Times the Fun!

2009-01-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

Almost 2 years ago one of my dear friends and wonderful mentor, Katie had a beautiful baby boy named Micah John (same as my brother) and she is now soon to have another! Along with this wonderful news she just moved into a new house. My friend Katy and I were able to visit her this week and help her settle in a little. While we were there we snapped a few photos of this handsome young man with my new camera and I just had to share these!

He's such a little boy : ) He only knows a few words and his favorite by far is "car." He's hilarious!

I feel it in my fingers. I feel it in my toes...

2008-12-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

One of the cheesiest, but most catchy Christmas songs has been stuck in my head. It's from a movie that will always be on my top 5, but I will never recommend... for good reasons : )

"I feel it in my fingers. I feel it in my toes.
Christmas is all around me. Come on and let it snow"

Oh heavens! I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas music. Nuff said : )

Highlights from this Christmas:
* Digital Canon Rebel XT
* Russian Red Lipstick
* Plum Purple Vase

* RAIN
* Big Breakfasts!
* Grandmama's life story & wisdom

* Grandma's expression when Micah put on the Mexican Fighting Mask... priceless!

* Talk of Josh & Amy getting a dog?!?!?! eek! : )
* Watching "A Christmas Story"
* Jam time on the gee-tar : )
* Mini-golf & ping-pong

* Playing cards
* Laughing!

* Laughing is always FAVORITE!!!

Katy's Graduation Dinner

2008-12-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

One of my dear friends from school is graduating this Friday and movin' back home to Chicago for grad school, so we had a little goodbye shin-dig for her last night. We ate a delicious dinner at the Rainforest Cafe in Downtown Disney and had one of those fun volcano cakes for dessert. I had never heard about them before and they're hilarious! It's just brownies and ice cream piled up like a volcano with a silver sparkler sort of thing on top, but when the server brings it to the table they have to yell, "volcano!" on their way to the table. It made us all laugh!

Afterward, we decided to take a stroll around downtown disney for awhile and we had the funniest lady take a picture for us! Her voice was loud and raspy and she was incredibly friendly, but sarcastic right off the bat. The moment I handed her my camera she sprinted away for about 10 feet pretending that she was steeling it as we all stood in shock with jaws dropped. I was honestly about to take off my heals and sprint after her, but she turned around and was roaring in laughter! She told us she worked at Downtown Disney and she was on her way to start her shift. Once I realized she wasn't stealing my camera I just laughed to myself, because I thought, what would I have even done once I caught up to her if I had chased her? I don't think I would have tackled her to the ground or anything, but that could have been a funny story : )

So, anyway, as she was taking the second picture she said, "Say... oh no, hahaha that's naughty. We can't say that here." We all started laughing, trying not to think too much about what she might be implying. It was such a bizarre and quick encounter : )

I think the funniest thing of the night happened on our way out. We stopped to listen to the live band for a bit and saw that our picture lady really did work at Downtown Disney! She was inside a gazebo dancing like crazy to the music with her hands in the air, swaying back and forth. We all looked and laughed harder than we had laughed the first time : ) We thought that maybe she had just made up the fact that she worked there, but sure enough she was telling the truth. We had to get a picture or two with her and she was so excited. She said "Oh sure! A picture with the picture-taker! Great!" She through her hands in the air in one picture and gave us bunny ears in another. She was a riot : )

SFSP-ers : )

Conclusion: Fun night!

P.S. fun trees : ) I definitely prefer white lights over colored lights, but the trees were still pretty fun, because they sort of give the feel like Candyland was brought to life.

Oh yes, it's that time of year again!

2008-12-07T23:55:00.001-08:00

Every Christmas the High School group I work with has a music video contest at the High School Christmas party in which every life group has the option of submitting their very own music video. Of course, in a high school group of over 200 students there is never one submitted for every group, but there's still enough for a great competition... and more importantly, some good laughs : ) Most of them haven't been posted anywhere online, but here are a few of them:

-Joyful Joyful- (the church staff)
Calvary Staff Christmas Video from tammy harris on Vimeo.
-I Love Rock & Roll- (Freshman Girls)

-Footloose- (My Sophmore Girls)

-The Jackson 5- (Junior Guys)

-Lip Gloss- (Junior Girls)
http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=68602972&k=XWCZ5XP6SXYMYCBCPB53U
-Wake Me Up- (Senior Guys)
http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=68602972&k=XWLZY5QYQ23MYCBCPB53U

... more to come!
My United States of Whatever was hilarious, but no one's posted it yet : )

As Deep Cries Out to Deep

2008-12-01T21:12:00.000-08:00

I am a life group leader at my church for a group of Sophmore girls that I simply adore! They hold an increasingly larger piece of my heart and this weekend my respect and delight in them reached an entirely new level. This summer at Hume Lake several of them expressed to me a strong desire to take their personal lives and our life group, as a whole, to a deeper place than its ever been. Several of them took risks of honesty and vulnerability within the four walls of our cabin that blew me away and made me so proud! I felt richly blessed to be given the opportunity to watch God work in their lives and so honored to have Him use me in such a beautiful process. It was after coming home from Hume that week that I made a commitment to God to stick with my girls all the way through their high school experience. With graduation coming this May, I knew that my future had a lot of question marks and that it most likely includes some long term adventures outside of California, but I decided that whatever that may be, it will have to wait till' after they graduate.

At first this seemed like a bit of a sacrifice, because I had been thinking about going to grad school in either the NW or somewhere on the East Coast, but I am slowing seeing that this is much more of a blessing than a sacrifice! My conversations with them, both in one-on-ones and in group settings are blowing me away! This past weekend in particular made me so grateful for their presence in my life. They decided a few months back that they wanted something outside of our "at church" small group time to get together and dig deeper into what God has for them. We decided to start a once a month life group dinner at one of their homes and go through a book together. No one had any book in particular that they wanted to go through, so I got to choose the book... which wasn't hard : ) I chose one of my favorites, by an author that I get soooo pumped about! His name is A.W. Tozer and the book is "The Pursuit of God." I knew that it would be a bit challenging and possibly overwhelming at first, because he uses a lot of big words and the New King James version of the Bible, but his insight is INCREDIBLE! Sometimes you have to read over a single line about 10 times, before you can grasp what he is saying, but it is soooo rich and soooo worth it!

Anyway, we had our first dinner this past Sunday and it went really well! We only got through the first 2 pages of the book, but it was exciting to see everyone discussing and contemplating and looking things up that they weren't sure about. One thing in particular that I took a mental polaroid of was our conversation about Psalm 42:1-2.

"As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God."

Tozer describes this verse in saying that, "This is deep calling unto deep, and the longing heart will understand it." Previous to reading this portion, Tozer had been talking about how we only pursue God because he first put that desire for pursuit in our heart, but in order to strengthen that desire we must respond to the Holy Spirit in further pursuit, so that the desire becomes entirely captivating. In the midst of this pursuit we also must be aware that we do not get that captivating desire for a deeper relationship by simply one encounter, but rather by a learned habit of spiritual response that continually keeps us drenched in his presence. It is at this point that we experience deep calling unto deep.

When we got to this line in the book everyone looked a little confused and one of my girls said, "what the heck is deep calling unto deep?" to which another one of my girls replied "I'm not sure, but I think... maybe... its when the very deepest part of us is crying out for the deepest part of God." Yes! I was so happy, I wanted to cry! I love these girs : ) It's that feeling you get when you've experienced something so great with God that you don't want to ever have anything less! It's the very deepest part of mankind that only God can reach, reaching God in a way that is deeper than we can and will ever reach with a person. It's DEEP calling unto DEEP! It even brings more sense to the natural desire for progression in human nature. Whether we have a relationship with God or not, we were still created in His image with the means necessary to have a deep relationship with Him. So when we experience great things in the world we have a natural reaction to want more and better! It's not initially a matter of being selfish or greedy, but rather taking that part of us that was designed to dig progressively deeper into our relationship with God and trying to fill it with material pish-posh. It makes sense that we can never get enough, because we were divinely given that desire for more and we will never find something great enough in this world to satisfy that endless abyss of a need for an intimate relationship with our Creator. It also explains why relationships and intimacy seem to be more valuable to people than possessions, but are still not enough to satisfy! This deep calling unto deep experience is what the heart was made for, which is why Tozer talks about only the longing heart being able to understand it.

One of my favorite quotes from chapter one is when Tozer talks about the great blessing of the long wait in seeking after God sometimes. He says, "Come near to the holy men and women of the past and you will soon feel the heat of their desire after God. They mourned for Him, they prayed and wrestled and sought for Him day and night, in season and out, and when they had found Him the finding was all the sweeter for the long seeking." I want that desire! I want the sweetness that comes with the long seeking! My heart longs for this kind of longing! Show me thy glory Lord. Grant me the grace I need today to seek after You and bring You glory!

breakfast with Tozer

2008-11-18T09:15:00.001-08:00

A few highlights from my morning with Tozer : )

"He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts."

"They differed from the average person in that when they felt the inward longing they did something about it. They acquired the lifelong habit of spiritual response."

"Prying into them may make theologians, but it will never make saints."

"I have been blind to Thy presence. Open my eyes that I may behold Thee in and around me."

~A.W. Tozer (The Pursuit of God)

Okay Okay, Here's My Seven

2008-11-13T15:29:00.000-08:00

Miss Lindsay Guard tagged me about 2 weeks ago with her list of 7 interesting things about herself and she asked me to do the same. It took me awhile to get around to it, but here it goes:

Numero Uno: I love speaking in Spanish! I'm by no means fluent, but I really wish I were! I've always wanted to go live with a family in Spain, Costa Rica or Mexico for a semester to learn the language better conversationally. Maybe someday I will?

Numero Dos: I HATE swimming! I love the ocean and being at the beach, I love taking a dip in a pool on a hot summer day, and I most certainly love being out on the lake with my cousins' boat, but I hate swimming. I've never been that good at it and I've always wanted to do a triathalon, but the swimming part freaks me out! I'm completely petrified of diving into a body of water with 500 other people at the same time. I'm positive I would drowned and no one would know till' the race was over! This is also the reason I've never consistently pursued surfing either. I'm not afraid of sharks, just swimming : )

Numero Tres: My favorite color is orange. My bedroom is red, turquoise and brown and everybody thinks turquoise is my favorite color, but there are wrong. Orange is my favorite color because it makes me happy. Orange is a happy color : )

Numero Cuatro: I don't plan on living in Southern California the rest of my life. I don't know where I'll move to, but I've always wanted to live in a place that has all four seasons. I used to think that Southern California was the greatest, because I could snowboard, go to the beach and go to the river all in one weekend, but it just doesn't appeal to me as much anymore. I'll come home for holidays and I can go to those places during vacation. I would rather have snow during the winter and red leaves all during the fall : ) Plus, I really enjoy cold weather!

Numero Cinco: I can be very outgoing and high-energy at times, but I've discovered this past year that I think I'm actually an introvert at heart. I'm most happy in one-on-one conversations with a person that REALLY knows me, I feel most peaceful and content when I'm by myself in nature with my journal and a pen, I love being awake when everyone else is asleep, I don't actually like big parties I just want everyone to feel included, I love playing my guitar by myself and I'm petrified of performing, I'd rather go on a walk with a cup o' joe by myself or with a friend than go to some sort of social gathering, and there's nothing I admire more than those people that live savory but quiet lives. My self-induced trap is busyness. I'm currently on the search for the root of this terrible habbit that often makes me so unhappy.

Numero Seis: I drive barefoot. I don't know why. I just prefer it.

Numero Siete: I wake up hungry every morning. It's kind of weird but food is pretty much my first thought in the morning. I can't even start getting ready for my day until after I've eaten breakfast. Even if I'm planning on going out to breakfast for some reason, I always eat before as well. I just don't function too well until after I've eaten.

So these are my seven. I'm sure if I had asked around first, I would have come up with some more bizarre things about me : ) but nevertheless, this is me.

I tag: Amy, Annie, C.J., Courtney, Luke, Marge & Shaukie

Some Spice in My Life

2008-11-12T08:55:00.001-08:00

Table Rock will forever be a mental postcard in my brain that is filled with the scent of precious people, a few precious moments and God's hand at work in each of our lives!

What I value most about this rare and priceless group is their desire for living life to the fullest! This is not in a careless way though; quite the opposite in fact. They are so intentional in being real about where they are at and honest about how they are feeling. They have brought a new spice to my life that is exquisite! It is an adventure with Christ through a whole new light that involves using the whole spectrum of colors, not just those in front of me. It has brought the spontaneity of night swims at the beach, the courage of cliff diving and a depth of heart that is so new! It has put light on some scarred areas of my heart that I never would have believed existed had they not been brought out in love. It is a bit of a painful season of life, but God has surrounded me with some beautiful aspects of Himself through these friends and their furvor for LiFe with GoD! It is living each moment in obedience and spontaneity with a comforting and supportive hand always near by. I believe this is the clearest vision of God's intent for the church that I have ever experienced! They are not perfect by any means. They are better... they are real.

"To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free."
~ A.W. Tozer (The Pursuit of God)

Trigon Commercials

2008-10-20T00:20:00.000-07:00

This is why I hope to end up in a career that involves kids. I don't think grown-ups are ever this funny : )

Spinach & Carrots

Karate & Muscles

You know what he did?

Don't vote... unless you care. Do you care? Okay, than you should definitely vote!

2008-10-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

My English teacher senior year of high school, Mrs. Hamilton, was a HUGE advocate for us being good citizens. One of her biggest shpeels she gave us was on voting and she did a little more than just encourage us to register : ) She kept the forms in her classroom so that the day we turned 18 we could fill them out and she would even mail them in for us! I saw this video and I immediately thought of her. It's pretty funny. There are a couple lines that are unnecessary & slightly inappropriate for those under 13, but I'm pretty sure you can handle it :)

It is extremely well with my soul : )

2008-10-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

It's funny the way my mood can change so quick at the thought of slightly cooler autumn weather and the beauty that surrounds it! Mmm Mmm Mmm :) Well, anyway, I decided to make a list of what I'm thankful for and some of the places I've seen God lately:

1. silence- it seems that no matter how busy life gets, you always have a choice to slow it down if you want to and that's what I've done. I'm still going to school, working & volunteering, but in the midst of that I have had time to slow down and spend some moments of solitude with God. Nothing can compare to that kind of embrace and intimacy.
2. thirst- it also seems that the more I spend time just being with God, the more I want it! He makes me more and more thirsty for his presence, his touch & the sound of his beautiful voice! I prayed the other day with my friend Meg, that God would allow our thirst to NOT be quenched by ANYTHING and that he would stir in us an ever-growing desire to be in His presence! "O God, show me Thy glory!"
3. a beautiful innocence in children

4. honest conversations
5. relationships that move to be stronger
6. good cooking!
7. music & its emotional effects
8. the beach at night- the sound of the waves and the beauty of the moon shining off the water make it really hard for me to understand atheism.

9. A.W. Tozer
10. my slightly pitiful, but ever faithful Yamaha gee-tar : )
11. bike rides
12. snow!!!!!! - not just for snowboarding, but that is part of it.

I am not thankful for homework, but I must get on with it anyway, so... goodbye for now my little world of bloggers : )

The Missing Branch

2008-10-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

Every weekday morning I seem to go through almost the same routine. Due to the putting off of a few of my gen-ed classes, I got stuck senior year with a pretty awkward and pesky little school schedule. This little schedule has me at school everyday of the week for Spanish class! It started off seeming like more of a curse than a blessing, but after realizing that a dear friend of mine was in the class as well, I knew it wouldn't be so bad. In fact, because of her comical and quirky personality and our hilarious meshing of characters, its been a routine that I now enjoy and fully embrace! Everyday brings a new priceless moment due to our spontaneity and free-spirited manner. Last Wednesday in particular was one to write home about : )

Walking out of Spanish, chatting and laughing hysterically about who knows what, we saw a HUGE branch fall down right before our eyes about 30 feet away for no apparent reason! We both froze and looked at each other with our jaws to the ground, thinking completely different things. Not too surprisingly, I was thinking, "Woah! That was weird and could have been dangerous if someone had been walking beneath it," but Maddie was thinking, "Thank you Lord! I can't believe you sent me a tree for my balcony!" Yes, that is correct, Maddie proceeded to ask me if I would help her take this thin, but large 16 foot branch back to her apartment and set it up like it was a complete tree. I was slightly thrown off by her quick thinking, but I said "Of course! This will be so funny." So, while the people in the office in front of which it fell, were probably calling campus safety to come take care of the problem, Maddie and I ever-so-suavely walked over, picked it up, and carried it halfway across campus to her car, while getting many strange stares! We were laughing so hard! The real challenge was trying to get as much of it as possible into her car while not attracting too much attention and drive the tree back to her apartment, but we did it!

I must say, it looks awful nice with one branch poking over her balcony and one arching over her large front window. We were pretty proud of ourselves : ) Unfortunately I forgot to take a picture of the branch. The only one I have is from the car and you can't really tell that I'm holding onto the trunk, but here ya go:
We still wonder what campus safety must have been thinking when they showed up and there was no branch for them to haul off. They must have thought the ladies in the office were crazy : )

2008-10-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

The fullness of our heart is expressed

in our eyes,

in our touch,

in what we write,

in what we say,

in the way we walk,

the way we receive,

the way we need.

~Mother Teresa

What Hole in My Wall?

2008-09-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

So, one of the many joys of living in a house that is over 100 years old, is that things are ALWAYS falling apart, breaking and dying. One of these beautiful things is my wall. I've always hated wall paper, but my mom has always been a big fan and it was not until my high school and college years that I realized why : ) Basically, some of our walls would just fall apart if it weren't for the giant band-aids we call wallpaper. I'm pretty sure the drywall in my room has been around since the house was first built in the 1800's and its a wreck! In high school I wanted to put a whiteboard on my wall, but my mom insisted that my brother put it up for me (due to her fear of my walls collapsing). Well... lets just say it took him several tries and when he was done I thought... "why is it crooked? and why isn't it snug up against the wall?" He left my room angry and said something about the stupid molly bolts? When I looked behind the whiteboard, I realized that there were SEVERAL holes in my wall that I think just caved in when he was hitting the nails : ) So, ever since then, there has been a vast array of pictures and such hung over some of these holes to cover up the disaster. Last semester, I decided that I would just start painting over all the holes in my wall instead of hanging more weight on the already decrepit drywall : ) I never had time to actually do it though, so I just taped up a drawing of what I was going to paint and I finally started on the first hole last night : ) Can you see the hole? I think I might just start taking pictures of everything in my room that has been "re-decorated" to cover up the disaster areas : - )

Were You There?

2008-09-25T00:40:00.000-07:00

So I was in chapel 2 weeks ago and Eric Thoennes shared this video before he spoke, but I completely forgot to post it. It is very powerful. You have to watch the whole thing though, because the last 30 seconds is a sermon by John Piper (I think?) and he gives a powerful way to look at the cross. He says that "before we can begin to see the cross as something done for us, leading us to faith and worship, we have to see it as something done by us, leading us to repentence. Only the many or woman who is prepared to own his share in the guilt of the cross, may claim his share in its grace."

Needless to say Eric followed that with a powerful message on our true identity and what that means in terms of the cross. The song in this video says, "sometimes it causes me to tremble" and I wonder if it really makes us tremble often enough when we think about this. Does the power of Christ's death on the cross and the realization that we were in the crowd yelling "crucify," does that make us tremble?!?

The Prosperity Gospel

2008-09-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

I know that if you're from Calvary you've probably already seen this, but it is one of those powerful videos that really sticks with you and makes you think, so I've decided to post it anyway for those who haven't seen it yet.

P.S. I stole this from Ryan Guard, so thanks Ryan : )

Silence to Hear

2008-09-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

Cannon Beach, Oregon is a place that is silent enough to hear. I wish I could be back there right now, back at this exact spot in the grass/sand by the ocean. It was at this beautiful place that God gave me one of my treasured times of embrace this past summer. I cannot think of anything better than being fully embraced by God with all my senses. In the morning there aren't too many people on the beach, but it wouldn't really matter anyway, because at this spot you're far enough from the shore that you can't hear people. All you hear is the ocean, the birds, and the wind against the grass. It is so beautiful! I love the feel of the cool morning breeze and the smell of the ocean is so refreshing and light. I can quite literally feel God's arms wrap around me as I sit in silence and just soak it all in. There is nothing more peacful than sitting in silence with God. I have needed this so much lately.

Sometimes I just feel like the world is screeming at me! I feel like I'm in the middle of one of those scary carnival scenes in a movie, where a child is lost in a huge crowd and all they hear is loud laughter all around them as they spin in circles crying and no one hears them. It's like being trapped and just wanting to drop to the ground, roll-up in a fetal position and rock back and forth till' it all goes away. I know that I am never trapped or stuck and that God always gives a way out of trials, but I'm just too stubborn to let go and let God do the work. I become a hamster on an exercise wheel instead and run myself to the ground. Its so exhausting and burdensome!

I have so much to be grateful for lately, but its a whole new road for me. I feel like my eyes have been opened to what's around me, but my hands have been tied behind my back. It's good to be reminded that God's in control, but my natural instinct has never been to "be still." When I look all around me, I feel so stuck, but when I realize that I'm in the arms of God, there's no place I'd rather be! I hate that I need constant reminders, but I LOVE knowing that God hasn't given up on me. His grace is SO big! I prayed that my heart would break for what breaks His and how could I have expected anything less than this? My heart is breaking constantly, yet I've never felt so alive. Everything is vanity outside of my relationship with God. How in the world does that ever go to the back burner? I am ashamed, yet restored. God is so good all the time. Good just doesn't always mean happy. I pray that my heart and my mind and my mouth would just be silent, so the Spirit could speak to and through me, because that is all that matters and that is when my joy is made complete. You have captured my heart once again, I love you!

A Series of Fortunate Events

2008-09-09T07:14:00.000-07:00

This last week I was incredibly spoiled by my friends and family!

I decided to ex-ney the friend party this year for my bday and only do a family thing on the weekend, but because I wasn't doing anything with friends, they all just went over the top and blessed my socks off anyway! Every year around the time of my bday I seem to run into the same problem. Who do I invite? Do I do something with my church friends, my school friends, my longtime girlfriends or just family? Well, I usually invite everyone, thinking it would be so great if they all became friends, but it never works out quite like that. Everyone kinda sticks to their own peeps and I end up way stressed out trying to spend time with each group to make everyone feel welcome. So that's why I stuck to celebrating it on the weekend with my family.

My friends on the other hand had a different idea :

It all started on the day of my bday (Wednesday) when 3 of my girlfriends took me out for a surprise evening : ) We began with an traditionally amazing car ride in Jade's white stallion, followed by dinner at the "Cliffs" in Laguna Beach. Of course, we had some time while waiting for our table, so we took full advantage of a sweet leather store and hat stand near the restaurant.

Dinner was accompanied by the HILARIOUS & priceless gifts of a Venus Fly Trap, a juggling kit, a desk calendar called "Useless Information," a giant bathtub tea bag, an orange colored pencil, my new favorite children's book called "I Like You" and a box of 12 new journals (1 for every month of my 22nd year). And THEN to top the night off even MORE we headed down to Newport for some lifeguard tower time : ) with the absolutely necessary sparkling cider toasts, some prayers of thanksgiving and direction & some stomach cramps from laughing so hard : ) What a night! I am so grateful for these times and these gals.

And that was just Wednesday! Thursday came with an additional set of peeps to praise God for : ) I call them my SFSP-ers... or my second family. The summer school class that I blogged about before brought with it 10 beautiful people that have poured into me in a way that no else ever has or ever could due to unusual circumstances. This group of peeps along with several divinely annointed profs and their families have been with me during a pivotal new direction in my faith. God brought us together and created the most ridiculously vulnerable and safe space in our midst where the Spirit of God has taken a whole new meaning as He has used us in each others' lives to proclaim TRUTH and pour out LOVE!

Well, 6 of these beautiful people threw me a little shin-dig on Thursday night that just blessed my soul. They got together and home cooked me some of my favorite things : ) shrimp pasta for dinner and chocolate dipped fruit with whipped cream and ice cream for dessert! It was so fun to see everyone in the kitchen at once all working together to cook, clean and serve each other. This group just naturally works together like the church should : ) I completely forgot to take pics though. Oops.

Friday night came around and I just planned on hanging out with fam, eating pizza and playing cards, but they too had a little more in store for me. My dad, Joey and his friend Nate set up a pretty legit woofle ball stadium in our backyard. They lined the outfield by tying from tree to tree that rope that has colorful triangles of plastic material hanging from it and put about 5 or 6 flood lights up in different trees to light up the field, because it was dark by the time we played. They made the backstop with large pieces of lattice and had frisbees on the ground for bases. Josh had put speakers outside for the movie we were watching later, so in the mean time we used them for music during the game. It was soooooo fun!!! And then we did one of my favorite things: made s'mores outside while we watched Top Gun on the barn doors with a projector (while cuddled up in quilts). It was the best birthday I can ever remember having with my family.

This series of days was almost difficult to take in, because there was so much happening and it didn't stop there! For my last surprise, my sister (Lindsey) and 2 of my longtime girlfriends (Katy & Kelly) took me PARASAILING in Balboa! I had soooo much fun! You go almost 500 feet high and you stay so still! I thought I'd get blown all over the place, but it wasn't like that at all. It was really peaceful... and I saw 7 dolphins!!! It was unreal! These girls spoiled me rotten!

This year was one of the strangest bday years, because I have never had so many surprises! I'm typically a very hard person to surprise, because once I know something's coming my curiosity runs wild and I usually cheat to find out what's going on : ) I'm not sure what held me back this time, but I think it was good : )

It Broke Every Mold in My Mind to Get to My Heart <3

2008-07-02T21:44:00.001-07:00

Due to the request of Kelly Burgess I just might start blogging once in awhile : )

I came to the realization this week that I observe so many new things everyday, but because I do not acknowledge them, I fail to really learn them. Sometimes when I am distracted by too many ideas, concerns or questions floating around in my brain, I just start journaling and when I finish I am always amazed at how much God was teaching me! I wonder how much I am missing out on when I just push thoughts away and don't fully work through them? Yikes! The same thing happens when I simply talk out loud. When I am able to discuss what's on my mind with a friend or even just talk out loud to myself... not that I do that : ) but it seriously changes EVERYTHING! It seems sort of dangerous to just run things over and over in your mind without talking them through or writing them down. It intensifies the feelings behind the thoughts without actually making sense of them. Hmm...

I have really been learning a lot lately! I just finished a summer program on spiritual formation through the ISF program at Biola and it blew my mind out of the water!!! I learned some HUGE new concepts that I can't believe no one has ever told me before! The most impactful thing I learned was about the link between the Holy Spirit and my heart. There is so much teaching done in Christian circles about God, Jesus and the Bible, but everyone is so afraid of being called charismatic that we neglect teaching about the Holy Spirit! We hear sermons that say, "do this" and "don't do that," and we try our hardest to follow, but we fail over and over again and somewhere beneath the words of the sermon, we get this message that says, " just try harder next time." We've got this idea that if we just obey the ten commandments, we'll draw closer to God, but in fact its been flipped upside down completely! If we draw near to God, the outcome will be an obedient lifestyle that glorifies Him. Now, even this you may have heard before, but how do you do it? This is what I've learned to be called the "sanctification gap." Its the gap between knowing your sinful and wanting to be sanctified, but not knowing how to get there. This, my friend is where the Holy Spirit comes in.

Have you every tried to just stop everything... COMPLETELY and try to hear God speak, but sort of wonder if you're just hearing your own thoughts? I know that whenever the pastor asks the congregation to just sit and listen to God in church I wonder if I'm just hearing my own thoughts and I think I am : ) I know His Word well enough that I can come up with logical biblical answers to most of my questions, but this is NOT a relationship! God doesn't want me to schedule in time to hear Him speak or give Him a time limit in which he can speak! In fact, my life before these two classes I just took was too busy to hear God speak. It was not until after days of hours of solitude that I realized how far my head was from my heart! My mind was soooo well trained and my heart had never learned to speak. I am just now learning for the very first time to hear the Holy Spirit speak through my heart and lead me through life and it is transforming my prayer life through silence.

In the past, I have so often caught myself apologizing to God over and over again for getting distracted during prayer, but this was all wrong. The Bible says, "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." If my mind is traveling during prayer, its because I am obviously using my mind to pray instead of my heart. I had never been told before a few weeks ago to follow the rabbit trails in my prayers. This sounded crazy, but now it makes sense. If I'm distracted by other thoughts, then THAT is where my heart is and THAT is what I need to be talking to God about. As I dig into these distractions during prayer I am finding the truest parts of my heart! These are the areas God wants to work in. He already knows the roots of all my fears and frustrations, but until I acknowledge them, I cannot surrender them to Him and He cannot have those areas of my heart. As I find more and more of these unsurrendered areas of my heart and truly give them to God, he will take a stronger hold on my heart and be a louder voice in my life. This is all so new, but it makes so much more sense than trying to honor a God that I don't really know by following a list of rules that get so confusing sometimes. Now its just a matter of sitting in silence and letting the Spirit speak through me in every situation, conversation and relationship. He's doing CRAZY things in my life right now!